I spent most of my weekend thinking about work, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Facebook, God, and church. I also read a book by Jill Mansell. I love her. You know I think I'm British or at least that is where I should have been born...just sayin'... Reading is my favorite procrastination.
I was completely enthralled by Whitney Houston's funeral. I've never been a huge fan of hers (just not into balladeers) but she is someone who was part of my life in that her music is definitely associated with certain points in my life. As a Christian, I was amazed that God used her so tremendously in death. I mean there was preaching...unapologetic Jesus preaching...on CNN!!! I never thought I'd see the day. It tickled me that people spoke in tongues. It bothered me that they kept referring to the service as Baptist. I've been to a traditional Baptist funeral...that wasn't it. It definitely had a neo-Pentecostal flair to it. Although, Pentecostalism is NOT a denomination and Baptist is....but I digress.
I was rather appalled by the way Bobby Brown has been demonized by Whitney Houston's death. She was taking drugs before she met him. They were addictive personalities living in a co-dependent haven/hell. She was getting her act together and he's been doing the same. They were married for 15 years. He shouldn't have NEEDED an invitation to her funeral. He's her daughter's father and she was step-mother to his kids and those kids knew and loved her. He is grieving, too. He was Whitney Houston's family. Confused as to why anyone would think differently. Whitney Houston's choices are not Bobby Brown's fault. She was a grown woman making choices. It just made me kind of sad. Facebook was venomous.
The other thing about the funeral...Uncle Ray. I couldn't listen to him after a while. His pain was the realest of everyone I heard speak. It was too much for me to bear. I ended up putting him on mute.
Death of another always makes you think about your own mortality. While watching the funeral, I thought I needed to plan out my own memorial service. What if I die tomorrow? I don't want a funeral per say. I'm not interested in a casket. Just a really nice picture...preferably one where my eyebrows are done, I don't look greasy, and I have on makeup. I was thinking I should plan because if I remain unmarried and my mother plans it, I'm pretty sure I won't like it. I want everyone to wear black just because it's my favorite color to wear! I want people to get up and say really nice things about me...whoever wants. I want there to be lots of laughs. I doesn't have to necessarily be in a church. I want one of my friends to eulogize me. I know lots of pastor types...so I'm thinking Joy or James or even Tahir. I love my current pastor, but these people know me in a way he doesn't and they are ministers of the gospel. I want Andrea and Mya and Stephanie and Anne and Corinne to say some words. I want my sister to write a poem or maybe a short story or even a play. I want there to be a favor of some sort...not a bookmark or a little card with my picture...but maybe everyone gets my favorite lotion (Booth's Egyptian Aragan Oil Body Butter) or some of my favorite tea (which is currently Honey Ginseng green tea from The Republic of Tea). I'm still thinking it through but I want it to reflect my uniqueness and my differentness. After all, I do black differently.
Okay...this is getting long. Lastly, I thought about God. I think about God a lot. I don't do right by God. God loves me with everything God's got and, at best, I'm a lukewarm lover. I want to do better but my best laid plans are constantly foiled by my utter laziness. I struggle with feeling ashamed (although apparently that's not enough to make me do better) and yet God continues to love me. It frustrates the heck out of me. It makes me want to cuss.
So there's no particular resolution to any of this...similar to one of the stories in my most recent Jill Mansell book...to me she left one of the story lines unresolved and without a happy ending and it frustrated me. Such is my life....grateful though I am for it since I've got a pretty darn good life. I hate sounding even the least bit ungrateful although I liked this quote by Stephen Elliott - "White people problems, someone could say. But I don't think there's anything to be gained from dismissing someone's troubles."
Quick thoughts about church...I love church. I am a church person. I love going to church. I love being the church. Amen.
Yes, I know. I crammed in A LOT.
Anyway, don't forget...Jesus loves you (I'm trying hard not to). It doesn't matter who you are, what you've done or what your issues are. I'm living proof.
It's interesting that you're posting about your funeral (and yes, I will write a poem though I'll be crying too hard to read it) but when I got out of the hospital I was obsessed with how you were going to know who to invite to my funeral since my address book is sketchy at best. And I also wondered what kind of funeral you would have given me. But yeah, I want a party with booze for those who drink and lots of cake and lots of laughter with the tears.
ReplyDeleteWow, Lolah that was inspiring, moving, and just honest. I to was not a big fan of Whitney although I loved her big voice. The funeral was so amazing and I thought to myself God will have his way when wants to. Reminded me of the words in that song "Sovereign" by Darryl Coley..stating, "HE can do whatever HE wants to when HE wants to and how HE wants to". God is great...Now I have admit I had ill feelings when the whole Bobby B story broke, but after some thought about I thought people are so unforgiving and not to be judgmental but I'm going say this, you call yourself Christian, wow. Bobby ain't the most angelic of us all, and because he's a pop/rnb singer, he's life along with Whitney's was blasted all over the tv/media world, but come Bobbi Kris is his family to and to be push aside like that just ain't right!! Ok your thoughts about your funeral rings out to me because I have plans for mine to...I want mine to be a big gospel concert with a couple of choirs, quartet qroups, praise teams, and soloist..music everywhere because that's what my passion is, I would want my brother Tim to do the eulogy, and people can say nice things and all but not necessary, I guess as a parting gift or keepsake, I would want to record music one day and have that be given out to all that attended...Your thoughts brought something out of me and just had to respond...
ReplyDeleteI have a correction...at my funeral I want people to be honest about me, not just say nice things about me. I hope that my legacy is that I was a person who extended grace and mercy and love to others not only because I was in need of it myself but because I was so grateful for the grace and mercy and love that was extended to me through Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeletePaulette - Wow. I never thought about planning your funeral. That would have been too much to bear. It was hard even breathing in those days (no pun intended), much less thinking. I functioned on automatic pilot and did what I had to do for your sake but that was about it. So it never occurred to me that we would have had to give you a funeral if you died. Thank God, you didn't!
Paul - All through the broadcast, I kept thinking, "God is amazing!" And that sounds like a grand funeral. I'm not a music person so though I've been thinking about the music...I can't quite make a decision!