In the case of uncertainty, Expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order. - Wikipedia, 9/14/12Expectation ruined my life. Okay, fine. Maybe Expectation didn't ruin my life but I sure would like to blame her. When I look back over my life at all of the unfulfilled expectation, I need someone (thing) to blame and it might as well be that b!*%h!
Expectations can be so very difficult to manage. And while I've been told to manage my expectations all of my adult life, I think I viewed it as a trite statement you made to someone who was facing a situation that might cause grave disappointment. I really thought it was just one of those things people said. I didn't know you were really supposed to do it. I'm not sure I thought it was really possible AND I certainly didn't know how to do it...at least I didn't think i did.
So here's the thing. Life is about choices...passive or active...we are constantly making choices. And making choices is not easy and can be quite tiresome (my proof). This applies to how you (I) manage (or make decisions about) your (my) expectations. You (I) choose to have high or low or middle-of-the-road expectations. You (I) choose to lower high expectations and heighten low expectations.
Now here's the tricky part...how does one determine when to have high or low expectations? This is what I've been struggling with most recently and I've come to the conclusion that it's all about how you frame things. I'm learning how to recognize unrealistic expectations. I cannot lose 10lbs in a week (at least not in a healthy way). However, I can lose 2. I have had to learn to embrace that 2, expect that 2 and DECIDE to not be too hard on myself if I don't accomplish the 2. I've realized that it's all about how I frame things and how I decide, or choose, how to think about things. How I frame in my head is the difference between me continuing to strive for the 2lb weight loss (a reasonable, doable weight loss goal for a week) even if I don't make it OR being so devastated by the failure that I cease trying.
I met a guy a few months back...we hit it off immediately. The "hit off" was so immediate that I was completely caught off guard by it. How on earth could I have such a strong connection to someone I'd only spent a few hours with and who did not live in the same place as me. so we had contact everyday from there on out. EVERYDAY. It was fun and strange and scarey. I began to realize I was having all kinds of expectations which made me throw on the brakes. This man...who I didn't know, who I'd never even spent any one-on-one time with (sorry, guys, texts and calls do not a relationship make!!!)...didn't owe me anything. Sure we were spending virtual time together but, in truth, it wasn't really real. It was not smart to expect anything from him because, in reality, he didn't owe me anything. The relationship had a lot of potential but that was about it. This mental re-frame helped me a few weeks later when some iffy stuff went down (we are still in communication). If I hadn't reigned in/adjusted my expectations, it would have been disastrous. A year ago, before I started taking responsibility for how I handle that b, it would have been disastrous!
So, yeah, Expectation is a darn b!*%h if for no other reason than it's hard as heck to manage her. And I'm still learning how to and that sucks since I've been out of my momma's womb for almost 40 years (and, yes, i do like to inform my mother of that on a regular basis...Ha!) I mean...why can't people and situations come with Expectation labels so I would know how to proceed. Each person/situation could be branded: LOW, HIGH, NEUTRAL, NONE, etc. I'm just sayin'....
But until then, I'll just have to keep working on managing that b!*%h, Expectation.
Always remember Jesus loves you...it doesn't matter who you are, what you've done, or what your issues are (as a result of unmet expectation). I'm living proof.
